DEAR ABBY: My sister has always been a liar and a manipulator. She has lost jobs because of her toxic behavior. Our parents passed away 20 years ago, and ever since, she has trashed their memory to anyone who will listen. She claims she was unwanted because she was female, that my parents refused to name her and wouldn’t take her home from the hospital until police were called. None of that is in any way true.
Now, she’s claiming our mother slept with multiple men and my biological father could be nearly anyone. I have a DNA test that proves that my father was the man who was married to my mother for more than 50 years. She dismisses this proof as a “lab mistake” and maintains her tale about my parentage.
How do I respond to this? Do I contact members of our large extended family and tell them what she is doing? I suspect that what she wants is a reaction from me, which she will then weaponize against me as she often does. How do I handle such a liar, who has no concern for the impact of her allegations? — FRUSTRATED BROTHER IN TENNESSEE
DEAR BROTHER: Your sister appears to be mentally unbalanced and unwilling to accept you as her full brother. She may also be trying to upset you. If you think she has been spreading these rumors among your relatives, by all means reach out and tell them you have proof that what she has been saying is untrue. One can only imagine what else she has been lying about.
DEAR ABBY: A close relative has been diagnosed with incurable cancer. Friends are now sending me articles and clippings about cancer research and the promise of new therapies. If they had actually READ these articles, they would see that clinical trials on humans are far off, or that the type of cancer referred to in the article is different from what my relative has. Why offer hope when there is none? The same thing happened to me when I had cancer 20 years ago. In one instance, I received an article about how to prevent the cancer I already had!
Please remind your readers that although these items are most often sent with love, they do little to help the individual experiencing the illness and treatment and can cause anger and pain. Doctors, especially oncologists, provide their patients with the best treatments available. It’s best to let them handle it. Thank you. — SAD RELATIVE IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR RELATIVE: Many people, upon hearing that someone they care about has a terminal illness, feel sad and helpless. Out of a need to do SOMETHING, they will send articles, some of which are inappropriate. While I agree that the most reliable source of information about cancer is your relative’s oncologist, and that readers need to be aware of the message they are trying to send, please understand they are being sent out of a desire to help.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
