DEAR ABBY: I have cancer. I have been expecting to be diagnosed with it since I was a teen. It is my family’s disease. My mother is 100 and still has her faculties, but she is frail. I have shared the diagnosis with my children, and I assume they told my grandchildren. My husband and my best friend know of my condition. The doctors say that because I caught the cancer very early, they expect a cure and are not just prolonging my life.
My mother has been asking for my help, but I cannot take a chance on flying across five states to be with her (I am short of white blood cells and immunity). Now I feel she and my cousins are condemning my absence.
I want to be excused for not showing up at my mother’s house, but I do not want to burden her with the diagnosis. Even if I had only five years to live, surely I would outlive her. In my physical condition, I would be of no help, but I’m struggling with her feeling that I have let her down. Help! — GUILTY IN WASHINGTON
DEAR GUILTY: You stated that while frail, your mother still has her faculties. This is why it is time to tell her that you love her and would help her if you could, but your doctor has advised you against traveling at this time because your “immune system is low.” You do not have to use the word “cancer” unless she inquires further. If she is as with-it as you think, she will ask, and you should tell her the truth. You are a loving daughter, but you may be infantilizing your mother by keeping this from her.
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DEAR ABBY: I had a recent experience at a major department store that set off alarm bells as to whether it was an attempted scam. A well-dressed young man was speaking with the clerk in the jewelry department when I entered the store. He was still there when I was on the way out a half hour later.
He and the jewelry department clerk stopped me to ask if I’d be willing to have him pay me cash for the use of my store card to buy a piece of jewelry. Apparently, a jewelry sale was ongoing that required the use of a store card for a nearly 50% discount. I asked if he could apply for one, and the jewelry clerk said he’d tried but had been turned down.
When I said I wasn’t comfortable doing what they were proposing, he and the clerk reassured me that he would give me the cash right there. I said I understood but repeated that I wasn’t comfortable doing it. He was very nice and thanked me anyway.
The more I thought about it, the more risks I could see, such as if he wanted to return the jewelry, he’d have to have the receipt, which would have my card number on it. Did I dodge a bullet, or was I being too cautious? — GUT REACTION IN GEORGIA
DEAR GUT REACTION: These days, one can never be too cautious. These people were engaged either in money laundering or in credit card fraud. You did the right thing by listening to your intuition. You are blessed with it for a reason.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
