DEAR ABBY: I am a victim of childhood sexual assault. I’m 52, and memories that I have repressed for so many years are coming back to haunt me. I have been with my husband for 14 years. We have enjoyed a very sexual relationship, but, lately, the memories are causing me to want to avoid intimacy with him. I want to tell law enforcement, but my mother is still married to my abuser, and I don’t want to hurt her. He also molested my older sister and cousin. Help me, please. — TIRED OF LIVING IN MISERY
DEAR TIRED: I am so sorry about what happened to you. I will assume that you have not received counseling to help you deal with this. If that’s the case, I urge you to seek some now. Talk with your sister and your cousin. Explain that the memories of being molested by your mother’s husband have come back in full force, and ask if they will join with you in filing a police report about what he did. If they refuse, do it alone. It may save other young women from being assaulted by him. If your mother is unaware of what happened, she deserves to know.
DEAR ABBY: Some longtime friends, “the Smiths,” are driving us crazy. They are the kind of people who would do anything for us, but we’re at the end of our rope with them. Every single conversation involves listening to them brag about their son or grandson, neither of whom is anything special. The Smiths never ask about our kids or grandkids.
We’ve had to stop inviting them when we host others for dinners at our house. Friends have quietly asked us to not invite them when the Smiths are going to be there. They dominate the conversations with their endless stories, which are of no interest to anyone else.
The Smiths are ultrasensitive. Any request for them to modify their behavior would result in the immediate loss of the friendship. Help! — WORN OUT IN ALABAMA
DEAR WORN OUT: Quit inviting the Smiths to dinner and be increasingly hard to reach for other social occasions. Eventually, they will get the hint. However, if they don’t, you will be forced to tell them why you have stopped. When you finally do that, your problem will be moot, but you will have done them a favor.
DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who has been in love with a gorgeous woman for more than 30 years. She’s constantly on my mind and forever in my heart. She shows signs of feeling the same. My problem is that I have never loved like this before, and I don’t know how to approach it. When one is ridiculed throughout a bad marriage, it ruins one’s self-esteem. I’m afraid I might lose her as a friend. I feel we were meant to be together. How do I go about expressing my feelings for her? — GOING MAD IN THE EAST
DEAR GOING MAD: You stated that this woman has “shown signs” of feeling the same way you feel about her? What were they? How often? Are you both single, and is she available? Share your feelings with her, but be prepared in case those romantic feelings may not be reciprocated.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
