DEAR ABBY: I am a man who was widowed 11 months ago. I met a woman on a dating site, and we clicked immediately. We have been enjoying each other’s company for several months. We have a long-distance relationship. She lives three hours away. Although she indicated on the dating site her status as “separated for two years,” she still lives in the marital house with her husband. She recently filed for divorce, but it could be a while before it is finalized. I’ve asked her why she doesn’t move out now to protect her mental health. She says it would be throwing money away.
Her husband is emotionally abusive, and I’m wondering if she’s really ever going to leave. Our relationship is not meeting my needs, and I don’t know if I can wait much longer, hanging on to a promise of a future that may never happen. The problem is, I’ve fallen in love with her. How can I protect my heart and move on to a relationship that meets my needs? I’m used to going to bed each night with someone. Now I sleep alone all week, and it’s taking a toll on me. What is your advice? — BIDING MY TIME IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR BIDING: You have been a widower for only 11 months, and it appears you have glommed on to someone who really is not available. I don’t know all of the circumstances of her marriage, but I have a strong hunch neither do you. Do you know for sure this person has actually filed for divorce?
Because, as you stated, this relationship is not meeting your needs, it’s time to pack it in and find a single local lady with whom to pursue a relationship. I am sure if you look around, there will be many.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for six years, together for eight. My husband has a kind, tender heart and knows how to bring me down to earth when I’m stressed. I love him very much, but I am becoming less attracted to him because of his lack of ambition. I’m a “chase your dreams,” “work super hard and get what you want” kind of gal, so it’s hard for me to sympathize with his lazy, careless lack of ambition.
If my husband has free time, he’s either napping, playing video games or watching a movie. Never does he choose to do anything productive like learn something new, work out or start a side hustle. (And God knows we could use all the income we can get.) How can I share how I feel about this with him without causing a blowout fight or hurting his feelings? — DISAPPOINTED IN IDAHO
DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Your husband has wonderful qualities, but if you continue keeping these feelings to yourself, one day you may explode and vent them inappropriately. The time to share your feelings is while you can still control them calmly. If you do, perhaps you can reach a compromise. However, if you can’t do that, you will have to accept each other just the way you are — or not.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
