DEAR ABBY: My husband retired three weeks ago, and he has been driving me crazy ever since. I’m a night owl, and he’s known it since we met 10 years ago. Today, he told me he’d be playing golf with an old friend tomorrow at 8:30 a.m. at a course 45 minutes away and needed to get up at 6 a.m.
I asked if he could be extra quiet in the morning and use the guest bathroom to shower so he wouldn’t wake me an hour early. He huffily put his towel and shampoo in the guest shower, stomped back to his easy chair and plopped down heavily. When I asked him what was wrong, he said he was annoyed that he couldn’t take his shower in our regular bathroom. I said I was annoyed that it would make me lose an hour of sleep before working an eight-hour day. He said, “Sorry you’re annoyed, but I’m retired, and things are changing!”
I never expected him to get up earlier in retirement. Is it asking too much that my routine and sleep schedule not be disrupted as long as I’M still working? After that, anything goes, but I still need the structure. — THROWN IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR THROWN: I will assume that your marriage has been a happy one until now, and that usually involves compromise. I do not think your request that he shower in the guest room so you could stay on your sleep schedule was asking too much. I wonder why he would say “things are changing” unilaterally. Could he miss the unquestioned authority his former job afforded him? I ask because of the tone in which he said what he did. If he decides to punish you for asking him to shower in the guest room on mornings when he has a golf game, suggest that you will sleep in the guest room on those nights.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been dating a guy off and on for the past seven years. “Giorgio” is a wonderful person and will do just about anything for me. The problems are that he doesn’t have much to offer, and he talks too much. He shares a great deal of our private business to family and friends, especially his mother. She’ll ask him several questions about me and then make snide comments in return. I have spoken to him more than once about this, to no avail. Giorgio knows I don’t want him, but I can’t get rid of him. Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated. — SEVEN-YEAR ITCH IN GEORGIA
DEAR SEVEN-YEAR ITCH: If you are aware of the snide comments Giorgio’s mother has been making, it must be because Giorgio has passed them along to you. (Has he no brains at all?) Her attitude about you would erode your relationship with her son, even if you chose to continue it.
I don’t know why you can’t get rid of Giorgio, but try this: Tell him you no longer want to see him and no longer want to be friends. Unless you do, the message won’t get across. If he persists, warn him that if he doesn’t go away, you will file a police report because at that point what he is doing will be considered stalking. Then do it, if necessary.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
