DEAR ABBY: My husband and I (both male) have been together for 28 years. The last few years have been less than romantic, but we remain close and in love (or so I thought).
A few days ago, he called me from work (I’m retired) crying so hard I could hardly understand him. I rushed to his office, and he told me he had just learned from his doctor that he has AIDS. He then confessed that he’d had an affair with a contractor at his place of employment. He said it happened years ago when we were going through a rough patch, and swore it was the only time he had strayed.
I am awaiting the results of my HIV test, heartbroken and crushed. What now? I’m so hurt; I don’t know if I should stay or go. — CRUSHED IN FLORIDA
DEAR CRUSHED: Your first order of business should be to ensure you and your husband are getting the best medical advice and treatment possible. A diagnosis of HIV-positive does not necessarily mean the disease will progress to full-blown AIDS because with the advances in medication, it can be held in check. Whether you should stay with your husband or leave is a question that should be tabled until you are less traumatized and thinking rationally.
DEAR ABBY: Two of my children are planning weddings two months apart next year. I’m originally from the Netherlands, where my entire family still lives. My kids both want to invite these relatives (which is great), except my parents are 86 and 87 and can make it to only one wedding. For my sisters, nieces and nephews, it’s too costly to come to both. They don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, and I have no idea how to advise them about which wedding to attend.
My son said he will help them financially if they need it so they can come to both, but even so, I know it would not be possible for my parents to come to both. Any advice? — CHALLENGED IN IDAHO
DEAR CHALLENGED: I do have one suggestion: STEP BACK! It should not be your responsibility to orchestrate who will attend which wedding. Invitations should be sent to everyone. After that, I’m sure conversations will ensue. If financial help is needed, your son is offering it.
Should your parents’ degree of infirmity prevent them from attending both celebrations, the decision about which they will attend should be theirs. Even if they can’t be there in person for both, these days many weddings are livestreamed, and photos and videos can be shared on social media.
TO MY ASIAN READERS WHO CELEBRATE THE LUNAR NEW YEAR: The Lunar New Year begins today. This is the Year of the Horse. According to Asian culture, individuals born in the year of the horse are dynamic, charming and adventurous. They thrive in settings that are bustling with activity and are often seen as natural leaders and motivators. A healthy, happy and prosperous New Year to you all. Tallyho! — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
