DEAR ABBY: My sister is cheap. She’s also not good at choosing gifts for people. Often, the things she gives are worse than if she’d done nothing at all. An example: She was just here visiting and brought my 4-year-old a toy car she’d picked up at a garage sale (fine, so far), but one of the wheels was broken off. She had the wheel in her purse and said something about gluing it back on, but never did. Once she left, we tried to glue it, but it turned out the toy wasn’t fixable, and my son was very disappointed.
This isn’t the first time this has happened. There’s a history of clothes that are too small, ripped or dirty, toys sent so late the child has long outgrown that stage, etc. It’s not a matter of money. She’s the director of a large law school, so she can buy anything she likes. It is a matter of attention.
I’ve spoken to her several times about not bringing gifts anymore, but she glosses over the disappointment and says she loves seeing kids open the things she brings. Someday, my kids will be old enough to see her behavior as quirky, but for now I want it to stop. Am I right? — GIFT RIFT IN THE WEST
DEAR GIFT RIFT: You are not wrong. Your sister appears to be “a little off-center.” I agree with you that one day in the not-too-distant future, your children will be discerning enough to notice the “gifts” your sister brings are soiled or broken and selected without regard to their interests or taste. A way to avoid the problem would be not to invite her to visit around birthday or holiday time, or intercept her inappropriate gifts before the kids see them.
DEAR ABBY: Last year, we renovated our house. We now have a south-facing roof that is ready for the installation of solar panels. Our utility company has an incentive program to lower the cost of the equipment, but it ends in six months.
The only thing holding us back is the next-door neighbors’ old, tall tree that shades our roof where the panels would go. The tree is cracked and has been coming down in sections over the last several years. Previous owners of the house had to repair their front windows and gutter after a large branch came crashing down in a storm.
The current owners are a young couple with a small baby. We have had occasional, friendly driveway conversations but don’t really know them. Would it be presumptuous to ask if they would be willing to let us pay to have their tree removed? People can be prickly about their property. But maybe they wouldn’t mind someone else covering what is probably an inevitable cost.
We want to continue having a friendly relationship, while also moving forward with our project. Thoughts? — UPGRADING IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR UPGRADING: Because you have a cordial relationship with these neighbors, it shouldn’t be offensive to point out that their tree presents a problem. When you do, tell them that a falling branch had damaged their front windows and gutter, which caused an expensive repair. Explain that the cracks in the tree could present a danger to their little one, then volunteer that you are more than willing to pay the cost of having it removed.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
