DEAR ABBY: I’m in an eight-month relationship with a man who is a sexy good dancer. (I’m also a good dancer.) My dilemma is, he attracts a lot of female attention on the dance floor, and sometimes women aggressively come up and dance next to us, vying for his attention (which we usually ignore). Most of the time, I pay them no attention, but it sometimes affects our enjoyment because I get annoyed.
He says he knows why I feel this way with some and that I should deal with it however I’d like to. He doesn’t actively pursue the advances, and I know we’re in love, but I’d like your advice on how to handle it. I’m astonished at how some women ignore boundaries when you’re obviously in a relationship. Men don’t do this to me. — BOTHERED IN THE WEST
DEAR BOTHERED: Your boyfriend is already doing his best to ignore the advances he receives. Unless you are ready to tell the hussies to “Back off, Honey, he’s MINE!” follow his lead. Yes, some women are aggressive, tasteless and seemingly desperate. You can’t change them, and neither can I, but you can change the way you react to a situation you can’t control.
DEAR ABBY: I remarried several years after my first wife passed away. I thought they were different people, but they share one maddening trait. They refuse to use the phone! Of course they talk to the children, relatives and friends, but to no one who must be contacted for a business reason.
For example, my wife is unwilling to phone the vet, carpet cleaning service or insurance agency. All such matters are dumped on me. In addition, when I do call for her, she insists on standing next to me giving orders on what I should say or how or who to talk to. Please let me know how to get my wife to use the phone. — TIRED OF IT IN THE EAST
DEAR TIRED OF IT: Your wife may feel that you have more knowledge about these things than she does but would still like to get her 2 cents in during those business calls. I have also found that sometimes men “hear” things better from another man than they do from a woman. Because this vexes you, the next time one of those calls must be made, stand next to her and coach her through it if she needs it. The term for this is “teamwork.”
DEAR ABBY: I am a mid-30s woman with a moderately successful career. I’m well known and respected by my supervisors and co-workers. I try hard to maintain a level of respect, professionalism and integrity every day. However, there is one co-worker whom I cannot stand. Just the sight of her makes my blood boil. I don’t know why her existence drives me crazy. Any advice on how to deal with this without destroying my career? — DILIGENT WORKER IN N.Y.
DEAR DILIGENT: I wish you had mentioned how closely you must work with this co-worker. Keep in mind that the relationship you have with the people in that office is a professional one rather than social. You don’t have to LIKE her. Interact with her as often as you must and keep your distance the rest of the time, and it shouldn’t have a negative impact on your career.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
