Husband Wants Wife’s History To Repeat Itself
DEAR ABBY: I am a 44-year-old woman who has been married for three years. We all have a past. Unfortunately, I made mistakes in mine that I foolishly mentioned to my husband when he asked. He is someone who doesn’t let go of things easily. I had a threesome in my early 20s, which I didn’t think was a big deal because I was young and experimenting with my sexuality. He’s now insisting on my having one with him. He thinks I cheated on him because when we met nine years ago, I was still friends with the people involved. I love him, but I feel like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. What should I do? — CORNERED IN LOUISIANA
DEAR CORNERED: If you’re against the idea, you should refuse. And if he persists with his wacky idea, the only “threesome” you should agree to would involve the two of you and a licensed marriage and family therapist.
DEAR ABBY: I’m an inmate at the women’s prison. My fiancé and I have been together for four years and have four little ones under the age of 4. They are with him. I am getting mad at him for not writing often or sending photos. I realize he’s busy taking care of the babies, but am I being selfish to think he should make time for me? — INMATE MOM IN NEVADA
DEAR MOM: I am glad you asked. I am also glad you recognize the fact that your fiancé has his hands full, working to support his family while taking care of the little ones. Because you have more time on your hands than he does, spend some of it writing to HIM and the CHILDREN. Tell them how much you love and miss them. Describe your daily activities and your hopes for them. If you do, it may make your bond with them stronger and bring them closer to you until you are released.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married 10 years and in our 40s when he passed away three years ago. His wishes were that his ashes be split — half to me, and half to be buried with his mom in another state. I want to go there by myself and take care of it without notifying his family, so I won’t have to go through another “funeral.” I haven’t spoken to his family members in that state since the funeral. I did speak with his sister — once — during the past year (we live in the same city), when I dropped off some of her family’s things that my husband had. Can I just go and take care of it? Must I inform the family? I would much prefer just going to the cemetery and then coming right back home. — YOUNG WIDOW IN NEW YORK
DEAR YOUNG WIDOW: Contact the owners of the cemetery and ask this question. If your husband’s family owns the plot in which their mother is buried, you may need their permission to open her grave and add your husband’s ashes. If you do not wish to have “another funeral,” it is, of course, your prerogative, but I doubt you can slip this past them.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.