It finally happened!
After several long weeks of waiting, I finally received another letter from my favorite Prohibition Party 2020 vice-presidential nominee, and hero of homophobic misogyny, Billy Joe Parker. Oh, happy day! Let’s just jump right in.
“Since A.D. 1963 when the U.S. Supreme Court at the demand of one woman banned Bibles and in A.D. 1973 the Court for three women ordered all unborn children to be killed if people desired, the presidents, congress, governors, and legislatures have refused to enforce our Constitution and deserted the individual and his child.”
Okay, so, you know, wow. I myself wasn’t born until A.D. 1978, so I guess it’s possible that I’m mistaken, but I don’t believe the United States Supreme Court ever ordered that all unborn children be killed. I think that is not correct. But let’s keep going.
“Currently, we are under the whim of massive interstate groups, their puppet judges, and their agents in our media. Alcoholics are being elected to public office. Once there, they use the power of government to remove anti-alcohol laws that protect every life.”
Is he talking about Franklin Roosevelt? I realize that I am the media agent of the puppet judges and alcoholic presidents, but anti-alcohol laws were repealed in the United States in 1933. That was like a bunch of years ago.
“Alcohol, abortion, marijuana and other evils are held in on us by our presidents, congress, and the courts in violation of and treason against the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and God himself!”
So, admittedly marijuana is still illegal in most parts of the country. However, abortion is not. Moral objections notwithstanding, Americans have the right to terminate a pregnancy under certain conditions. The caveat there being those certain conditions. At no time in our nation’s history has the Supreme Court ever issued a blanket mandate “that all unborn children be killed.” I’m also fairly certain that there aren’t any “massive interstate groups” advocating for that. Oh, and while we’re talking about the Supreme Court, they’ve never banned Bibles, either.
As far as the alcohol, I think Billy Joe really has himself stuck out in the tall grass on that one. I have read, more than once, both the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States. What I don’t remember ever reading in either of those documents is any language which prohibits American adults from having a beer. And frankly I don’t believe that God is opposed to it, either. I mean, come on Billy Joe, they serve wine in his house.
In closing, Billy Joe leaves us with these final words: “To remove an anti-alcohol law in today’s drunken society is like removing a bullet proof vest from a soldier in combat. Death.”
Well I’ll say this: If an American soldier comes back home after seeing combat in the service of our country, I’ll be the first to buy them a drink. And Billy Joe, I hope for your sake that you are able to find a time machine so you can go back to living happily in 1932.
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