DEAR ABBY: I’ve been a widow for nine years and just got engaged. When I asked my fiance if I could put a picture of my late husband in our new home, he became upset. He said he shouldn’t have to walk into his own home and look at pictures of a man who once “had” me.
I have three kids with my late husband. We were high school sweethearts, and I took his death extremely hard. I can’t help but think that my fiance is overreacting. I feel he wants me to just erase everything I had with my husband.
My kids will be living with us, too. Should I respect his wishes, or should I stand my ground and make sure my late husband’s memory is alive for the sake of my children? — REMEMBERING IN AMERICAN SAMOA
DEAR REMEMBERING: I hope you recognize that this is a huge red flag. Your fiance is jealous and insecure. If he would be upset seeing a photograph of your late husband, how is he going to feel when he interacts with your children, who are living symbols of the love you shared with another man?
You are entitled to display a picture of their father if you wish. It needn’t be as large as a political poster nor hung in the front hall. It is important that you have further discussions about this with your fiance and, if you are wise, premarital counseling until this issue is resolved.
DEAR ABBY: My husband (a college-educated native English speaker) mispronounces a LOT of words, specifically common names, the name of our children’s school and some other frequently used words. How do I politely correct him? I feel this is because he doesn’t pay attention, and I’m sure others notice it as well. — ANNOYED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR ANNOYED: Make a list of your husband’s “trouble words.” Then, when the two of you are relaxed and well-fed, start a conversation with him and ask if he realizes he does this. When he asks you what you mean by that, pull out the list and go over it with him, pronouncing the words correctly. Explain that you are raising the subject because you love him, and you won’t bring it up again, but you think he should be aware.
DEAR ABBY: We love going to my aunt’s house for dinner, but she uses plug-in home fragrances that give all of us headaches. We have to come home and shower and wash our clothes to get the scent off us. She is an amazing baker, and the fragrance compromises the taste of the baked goods! How do we politely tell her this? — HESITANT NIECE IN NEVADA
DEAR NIECE: Tell your aunt you love coming over to her house, but that you have developed an allergy to scents that causes you to get headaches. Then ask her to please unplug the scent dispensers and to air the place out for an hour or so before she has you over. It is a legitimate reason, and you are not the only person who can be affected by artificial scents.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
