DEAR ABBY: I am a very overweight woman, but down 50 pounds from my top weight and continuing at a consistent, but slow, rate to lose. My A1C is now down to pre-diabetic, so I know my efforts are making a difference. I recently had a terrible bout of sciatica and pain in an arthritic knee, which kept me from some anticipated travel.
A good (so I thought) friend who was affected by my cancellation suggested that perhaps my weight was causing the sciatica and arthritis, and if I lost more weight things would go better. (DUH!!) Lots of thin people suffer from sciatica and arthritis, and it felt to me that her comment was condescending, hurtful and disrespectful. I don’t know what I feel, other than like throwing a canned ham at her. She has done this before.
When another dear friend died, and I expressed my grief and teared up, this same “friend” suggested I would do better if I got out more and socialized. This was during COVID.
Is there anything I can say to her? Should I ignore her comments and press on with the “friendship,” or is it time to move on? I’d like to tell her off, but I see no value in countering her more subtle form with overt aggression. Is there a single, good, deadly one-liner I could have used? — SLOW LOSER IN NEW YORK
DEAR SLOW LOSER: As I see it, you have two ways to play this hand. The next time this woman says something grossly insensitive, tell her it’s her third strike and repeat what you have written to me about what comes out of her mouth. Or simply do yourself a favor and from now on ice her out. (She may have been trying to help you — in some weird way — or she’s clueless.)
DEAR ABBY: My daughter and son-in-law have decided to move his mom from California to our home state of Tennessee. The kids have a lovely home about an hour from my husband and me. Both are professionals. They have been married 10 years and have no children.
The mom, “Anita,” has an unmarried daughter with two kids living with her now and using her money. Anita wants to escape and be left alone. I’m afraid this could spell disaster for my daughter’s marriage. Their plan is to remodel their attic so they have the upstairs and Anita has the downstairs.
Should I express my concerns to my daughter or both of them, or keep my mouth shut? We have a great relationship, and I never insert my opinion into their business. — PROTECTOR IN THE SOUTH
DEAR PROTECTOR: If this is still in the planning stage and the project has not yet begun, mention your concerns to your daughter and son-in-law together. One problem that occurs to me might be if your son-in-law’s sister plans to bring the kids and live with her mother in the future. However, once you have brought this up, do not insert yourself any further.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
