DEAR ABBY: My 58-year-old husband recently shared a bed in our camper with a 21-year-old family friend. The friend is female. This happened in my absence. He thinks of her as a “daughter,” and although I’m not concerned about anything inappropriate happening between them, I still feel it was inappropriate. I expressed my feelings to him and said I didn’t want it to happen again, but it did. He still thinks it’s perfectly fine, but I do not. What are your thoughts? — INAPPROPRIATE IN THE EAST
DEAR INAPPROPRIATE: My thought is that it’s unusual and inappropriate for a 21-year-old woman to share a bed with your husband (more than once!) in light of the fact that you objected. I can’t help but wonder why no other sleeping arrangement was possible, and what her parents (who, I assume, are friends) think about the arrangement. Perhaps it’s time you had a chat with the young woman about this. You may find it enlightening.
DEAR ABBY: A family member — a woman in her 60s — almost certainly has narcissistic personality disorder. She has caused problems in the family, so much so that some have quit their jobs, sold their homes and moved out of town to get away from her dysfunction. This woman blames others, never apologizes for anything and doesn’t seem to think she has a problem.
Having burned all her bridges, she is now moving out of state. However, she still has ties to the family business. We want her to get the treatment she needs, and we want peace and order restored in our family. How do families in a similar situation accomplish this? — SURVIVING IN KENTUCKY
DEAR SURVIVING: I can tell you how some people in your situation manage. Recognizing that they cannot change the behavior of the disruptive family member, they seek family therapy to learn how to handle their contacts with her. I hope it helps for you.
DEAR ABBY: I would love your thoughts on the protocol, if any, for mentioning the name of a decedent’s very good friend/companion in an obituary. I have seen, on occasion, an obituary that lists all the family members (wife, children, grandchildren, caregiver, etc.) and then includes the name of a dear friend/companion, who, in this instance, had been dating the decedent for four years, during which the two of them developed a very close relationship. — WONDERING IN ILLINOIS
DEAR WONDERING: I don’t think it is obligatory to mention all of the deceased’s relationships when an obituary is written. Often the family is grieving and distracted by the multitude of arrangements that must be made. If you are referring to yourself, and you had a warm relationship with the family, I am sure your name was not omitted to deliberately ignore the caring relationship you shared with the deceased, and sometimes people want to have a say about what’s included in their obituary. If your companion put in writing that your name should be included, then the family was wrong not to follow through.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
