DEAR ABBY: I have a brother who is very opinionated and in my face any time I don’t agree with him. It doesn’t matter what the subject is; he thinks he’s the only one who knows anything about it. He is not educated, but he thinks he’s smarter than everyone else, even educated people.
He won’t let me get a word in while he’s yelling and screaming in my face. He resorts to name-calling, telling me I’m wrong and calling me stupid. Later, he sends emails and texts trying to prove to me why I am wrong. I think he is abusive and has a mental disorder. He has accomplished nothing in his life.
My husband and I have careers. If I try to remain quiet around my brother, he starts aggravating me to get a reaction. He has alienated my family. No one wants to be around him. What’s the best way to shut him down to make whatever time we have to spend together more civil? — SMART SIS IN MISSISSIPPI
DEAR SIS: No magic formula will shut down your abusive, immature and possibly mentally ill brother. Accept the fact that you can’t change him, and save your sanity by avoiding him as often as possible.
DEAR ABBY: I recently asked a friend to cat-sit while I was out of town for a few days. We agreed she would stop by daily to feed my kitty, refresh her water and spend a little time with her. When I returned, I noticed several signs that she hadn’t been coming by every day — food bowls untouched, litter box fuller than it should’ve been, and a very lonely (and vocal) cat.
I haven’t confronted my friend yet, but I’m hurt and disappointed. I trusted her with my pet’s care. I would have made other arrangements had I known she couldn’t commit. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I also feel I can’t just brush this off. How do I approach this conversation without blowing it out of proportion or damaging the friendship, while still addressing that this wasn’t OK? — CAT LADY IN MICHIGAN
DEAR CAT LADY: One can only wonder what else this friend is irresponsible about. However, I do not endorse “taking her to the woodshed.” In the future, when you plan to travel, make other arrangements for the care of your cat. This person was less than purr-fect.
DEAR ABBY: I have always wanted to do some exotic travel. I’m retired now, but my wife has medical issues. She can still drive, shop, etc., but international travel would be too much for her.
I don’t mind traveling alone, and I have saved up enough with such trips in mind. I don’t want to be selfish, but I want to see parts of the world I have yet to see. What’s fair? — FUTURE TRAVELER IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR TRAVELER: Fortunately, your wife is still somewhat independent and could manage in your absence. What is “fair” would be for you to discuss this with her and negotiate an agreement that’s acceptable to both of you. If your wife would like to travel a bit, perhaps you could split your savings between short domestic excursions with her and solo trips abroad.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
