DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married to my husband for two months. I haven’t told anyone I’m married except my close friends and family. Someone recently messaged me about my husband, stating that he has Asperger’s. They know my name and have my phone number. I don’t know who this person is or why they would tell me this now.
I already suspected my husband has Asperger’s, so I’m not shocked, but this is eating me up inside. I can’t sleep. I can’t think. I recently lost my mom to cancer. Now I’m facing this. I previously dated a narcissist who used to lie regularly. But after all that heartbreak and torment, I’m now with someone who lies to me again? I’m so confused and upset. I really do want to ask my husband to get assessed. I don’t think I can trust him anymore. Do you have advice for me? — LOSING AGAIN IN CANADA
DEAR LOSING: Let me point out that individuals who write anonymous letters usually are not trying to be helpful and instead may be trying to cause trouble in your marriage. Before asking your husband to be assessed for Asperger’s, go online and read as much information about it as you can. You might also consider contacting the Association for Autism and Neurodiversity (aane.org), which has been mentioned in my column before.
If what you learn from reliable resources indicates that it could be your husband’s problem, then by all means suggest he be assessed. He may not necessarily be “lying” to you as much as being in denial. This does not have to destroy a marriage. Many successful people are on the spectrum.
DEAR ABBY: My best friend and co-worker is 57. I’m 32. Her husband died two years ago, leaving her and her 22-year-old son alone. We’ve been best friends and co-workers for the last six years, but over the last few months, I’ve been realizing she’s a lot more to me than just a friend.
I am nervous about trying to make advances because I don’t know if the feelings are mutual or how she views our age difference. I don’t want to risk ruining our friendship. I just know that my heart skips a few beats when our eyes meet or our fingers accidently touch. I’ve realized these last few months that I’m falling hard for her, and I’m afraid to let her know. If I don’t, however, my feelings are going to eat me alive. What should I do? — FALLING FOR HER IN KANSAS
DEAR FALLING: Ask your best friend (and co-worker) to join you for a casual lunch or dinner. Keep it light but tell her how much you enjoy her company and ask if the age difference between you bothers her. If the answer is no, explain that you care very much for her and wonder if she’d be open to the idea of dating you.
If she says yes, and there are rules at your job that discourage “fraternizing,” you may have to find another place to work. If she responds that dating would be awkward, let her know you will always be her friend because you think she is special.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
