DEAR ABBY: My husband works out of state for an oil rigging company 20 days out of the month. He gets 10 days off. When he comes home, we may have two days of quality time together. The rest of his time he spends on his phone outside.
When I recently had spinal surgery, he came home supposedly to assist me. My doctor gave him instructions to follow after the surgery. The first was that he observe me for 24 hours to avert any complications. Well, after a few hours, he left me alone so he could spend time with his friends! I was sleeping when he left, and when I woke up, I was in pain.
When I called him and asked where he was, he, as usual, got upset and said, “I can’t spend time with my friends?” I replied, “No problem” and hung up the phone. He returned two hours later, and we discussed it, but he left the house again. I don’t know how to communicate with him without causing issues. What should I do? Am I wrong? — WIFE OF DETACHED HUSBAND
DEAR WIFE: You are not wrong. What you need to do now is take some time and evaluate the relationship you have with your husband. From what you have written, you are both spending the majority of your time living as single people.
Your husband is clearly not the nurturing type, and it would be interesting to know how he’d react if the situation were reversed and you had skipped out to socialize with your buddies. I won’t use the word that comes to mind to describe your “better half” but, frankly, I think you could have done better in the spouse department. You have my sympathy.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 59-year-old man. I have been single since my wife left me. I have been trying to get back on my feet financially and emotionally since the divorce. I agreed to the terms without a lawyer. I agreed to accept a small sum so she could buy me out of the house we had owned for 23 years. I am going to be fine, and, at some point, I will ease back into dating.
Because I have a chronic cough, I was assigned a specialist nurse practitioner I’ll call “Susan.” She’s kind and professional and, behind her medical mask, she appears to be quite pretty. She also appears to be in her early 30s. I understand professional etiquette and, of course, the age disparity. Just asking — what is your advice? — MOVING ON IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR MOVING ON: I am sorry you didn’t mention how long it has been since you and your ex-wife were granted the divorce. Because you haven’t yet begun dating, the only female you have had a chance to get to know is this caregiver whose job is to be kind and professional. Because you are now interested in female companionship, put out the word and start meeting women. If you make any advances on Susan, she may no longer feel comfortable treating you, so I don’t recommend it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
