DEAR ABBY: Over the last few years, my family has faced a lot of loss, especially my mother. In the span of three years, she has lost her parents, my father and my brother. We had a little joy with my son being born. He brought a lot of happiness when everybody was heartbroken.
Right after my brother’s death, we found out we were unexpectedly pregnant again. We thought this would bring more joy for Mom, but we are getting bad news from the doctors, and the baby may not make it to term or survive very long after birth. I’m not sure how to break this news to Mom, and my wife is getting to where we can no longer hide that she’s pregnant.
We are getting a second opinion, but although we are holding out hope, I’m not sure it will change the situation. We know we have to tell Mom something. Any advice on how to tell her without breaking her heart? — WITHHOLDING IN NEW ENGLAND
DEAR WITHHOLDING: My condolences to your mother, who has experienced a lot of loss in recent years. However, she is an adult and deserves to be a full participant in your lives and treated as such. For her sake (and yours), tell her what is going on and give her the chance to be supportive of you. If you do, of course the news will be sad, but she won’t be deprived of the chance to do for you what you have been doing for her.
DEAR ABBY: My son-in-law is never on time for anything. He’s in charge of driving his young son to elementary school and is consistently late by four or five minutes. He and my daughter have gotten letters reminding them of the importance of being on time. I witness this because we share a home. He was fired from his last job due to lateness.
I am a very punctual person, so his lateness for everything drives me crazy. I have tried to lightheartedly address it, to no avail. My husband and I are retired, and I suggested to my husband that I could offer to take our grandson to school, but my husband says I should stay out of it. How do I cope with this? — PUNCTUAL IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR PUNCTUAL: Your grandson should not have to suffer because of his father’s irresponsibility. It is important that he get to school on time, with no black marks for tardiness on his record. If that means your daughter, you or your husband sees that he gets there in a timely fashion, so be it.
Of course, this does not solve the problem of your son-in-law’s habitual lateness. But perhaps he will learn better habits when word gets around that he can’t punch a clock on time when prospective employers ask for references.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
