DEAR ABBY: I have been with my girlfriend, “Kim,” for a year and a half. We are both in our 40s and very independent. Her mother struggles with our relationship because we are two women. She has told Kim our relationship is an embarrassment for her. She didn’t know her daughter is a lesbian until we began seeing each other. Kim’s mother has said that if I were a man, she would be thrilled. She knows I love her daughter and treat her well, but she can’t get over the fact that we are gay.
I am perplexed about what to do. Our relationship is stable, and we are both happy, but this bothers both of us. I don’t want Kim to feel torn between her mother and me, especially since we are discussing marriage. Is there anything I can do to ease the tension? — LOOKING FOR PEACE IN KENTUCKY
DEAR LOOKING: There is little to nothing you can (or should) do to ease Kim’s mother’s embarrassment. Parents have all sorts of dreams and ambitions where their children are concerned, but in the final analysis, adult children must live their own lives as they see fit.
A longtime, trusted organization called PFLAG exists for the precise purpose of building bridges between LGBTQ individuals and their family members. You can find it at pflag.org. However, until Kim’s mother is willing to seek help to adjust to reality, there’s nothing you or Kim can do other than let your happy life together be an example.
DEAR ABBY: Two and a half years ago, I purchased a starter motorcycle and allowed someone I considered to be a good friend to ride it around the block. She fell in love with it and expressed that she would love to have it. I made an agreement with her that when I upgraded, I would sell her that bike.
A year later, I was able to purchase the one I wanted. I found out what the trade-in value for my original bike would have been and agreed to sell it to her at that price. I told her then to pay me as she was able, and I signed the title over to her. I did not draw up any bill of sale or contract. I now realize this may have been naive on my part.
Shortly after taking possession, she had an accident and totaled the bike. Her insurance did not pay, and she has hired a lawyer, saying it was the other person’s fault. During this time, she has paid not one cent toward the bike, or even acknowledged that she owes me anything for it.
I struggle with confrontation, so I have yet to say anything, but a year and a half later, I think the time has come. I know legally there isn’t much I can do, but I would like to say something to her. How can I address this without coming across as being difficult? We have grown apart but are still friendly. — BIKER CHICK IN TEXAS
DEAR BIKER CHICK: Try this: “It has been a year and a half since I sold you the bike. When do you plan to start paying me what we agreed upon?” It is a legitimate question.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
