DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 12 years. Things were good in the beginning. However, many times he has let me down by not helping with bills, stress, etc. He recently lost a job, which has added to my stress because we now have a child.
I have been communicating with an old work friend who makes me feel like we would be great together. He’s married, too, but we are both unhappy in our marriages. He wants me to relocate and be with him, but although I can see us together, I’m not sure I want to move to where he lives. Although he has admitted he’s unhappy, he never mentions he wants a divorce. He has said only that he wants us to be together.
I’m torn, Abby. Do I stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of my child, or divorce and relocate, hoping everything will work out? Please help me to settle my mind, heart and thoughts. — TROUBLED IN TEXAS
DEAR TROUBLED: From what you have written, it appears that while your “old work friend” may be unhappy in his marriage, he has NO plans to divorce his wife although he would like you to dump your husband, uproot your and your child’s lives and be more geographically convenient — for HIM. Following this road map, hoping everything will work out with no guarantee about stability for you and your child, could end in disaster. Please take your head out of the clouds and start thinking strategically and rationally. Right now, you are doing neither.
DEAR ABBY: I enjoy my job and have good compensation and benefits. I am lucky to work for a progressive, flexible company. However, the atmosphere in our office is very isolating. My boss is kind and supportive, but overall, I don’t feel much support or kindness from my co-workers. Most of them are in their 30s and from upper-middle-class backgrounds. I am not, and I’m in my early 60s.
People in my workplace are very cliquish. They do not invite me into their activities or interactions. If I make a comment, I’m often ignored. I have tried hard to be friendly but don’t get much response. I can look people in the eye and smile, yet most won’t say hello unless I do first. This is very depressing. I need advice. — OVERLOOKED IN OREGON
DEAR OVERLOOKED: Because the reception you receive from your co-workers is unwelcoming (to say the least), my first suggestion would be that you concentrate more on the positive aspects of your employment — namely the salary and benefits — and less about making friends. Decide how many more years you want to work and ride it out until you plan to retire. My second is simply to seek employment elsewhere if the isolation becomes too much for you, and explain the reason for your departure to your boss during your exit interview.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
